


"Newt, Stop!"

by Snacks_4life



Category: The Maze Runner (Movies), The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types, The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Death, Newt really needs a hug, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Worth Issues, Triggers, but we all know they didn't though, he think they died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snacks_4life/pseuds/Snacks_4life
Summary: ~Newt’s POV when Thomas run into the maze in the maze runner~(Or the one where Newt has a panic attack and really needs a hug)
Relationships: Newt & Thomas (Maze Runner), Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), could be friendship or more you decide
Comments: 3
Kudos: 60





	"Newt, Stop!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Please be careful and read the tags! There are heavy subjects and triggers in this so if you're sensitive to that (e.g.: Self-harm, panic attacks, low self worth) please don't read!
> 
> Other than that please comment and give kudos if you enjoyed, it means a lot<3

Thomas had just ran in, past Newt's grip and into the maze.

How could he, what was he thinking!??

'Don't go into the maze', Newt had said. One simple rule and Thomas broke it. The same time he ran Newt could feel something in him break too, shatter almost, as the doors closed leaving an unbearable emptiness within him.

The ones who were the closest to him; Alby, Minho, his best friends and the ones he always could count on. They have been there for him from the beginning through thick and thin. And now also Tommy, who he just recently met, but found a liking to immediately. He was different from the rest and for the first time Newt felt something, something he hadn't really felt for anyone before. But now they were all gone, into the merciless maze to never be seen again.

Newt could feel himself getting distant from himself as he walks away from the wall that used to be an open door. He fled from the crowd of people that had formed from the intense event, all still very shocked about the loss. His breath quickened and he felt like he couldn't get enough air. His head was drowning in screams but they were all so incoherent.

Stop, Newt, take it easy.

He tried to calm himself. But the voices were still so loud he just wanted to scream.

He walked, a fast, unsteady pace. Like he's desperately trying to run away from something, but not being able to focus or move properly. He's shaking and he can already feel his eyes water and his cheeks getting wet.

He finds himself by a tree in the Deadheads. A little bit in so he couldn't be seen from outside of the woods. This was his usual place where he used to...

Stop! Don't lose control now, Newt, you have been clean for so long now. Don't!

He took out his pocket knife from his belt. Feeling the sharpness of the blade with his fingers, testing the waters. He rolled up the left sleeve of his shirt, revealing his forearm. He stares intensely as he holds up the knife with his right hand, ready for what he's about to do.

He landed the knife gently on his arm before he took his index finger on top of the knife to receive some strength and pressure as he pressed it along his skin.

They won't be coming back

Cut

They will die a painful death

Cut

And they left you alone here

Cut

No one to keep you sane

Cut

You lost everyone

Cut

You are all alone

Cut

He took a deep breath, drowning in the painfull relief.

Oh how easily you get back into bad habits.

His vision was a bit blurred from the tears, but his cheeks had now dried and stiffen. He closed his eyes as he took in yet another deep breath and then looked down, forearm full stretched out for him to view.

He stared at his arm. Seeing how blood had started seeping through his skin.

~~~

The next day, Newt still hasn't let it go. It's still early morning and he sits in front of the opening, but it hasn't opened yet, remaining closed until the dawn of day eventually comes around. He didn't get much sleep that night. After all what happened yesterday and finally collecting himself from the 'situation', he went back to sleep by the maze door. Chuck had come by when he had woken up in the middle of the night and seen that Newt still hadn't shown any sign of sleeping. Newt promised him to get some rest but it only held for so long. Few hours later and New had woken up again, sweating and out of breath.

He stayed awake since then.

Newt had looked at the closed door for some hours now, but then he looked down at the lines on his arm, still bright red.

He remembered the pain from yesterday but he wanted more. The voices were still there. Quieter now, but still present. Bugging and eating him from inside, poisoning his brain.

Newt's fidgeting with his belt where the pocket knife lies. He's considering the alternatives, but ultimately getting back to the unhealthy option as the solution.

It took a long time for him to eventually act on the decision. As everyone knows, Newt wants everything to be in order, but now everything inside him is chaos and what he is doing is next to madness. He tried to fight back with the voices, trying to find some reasoning and sense in him, but in the end to now avail.

He took out the knife again, but hesitated as he looked around the Gardens where the other Gladers slept safe and sound. They wouldn't notice him hurting himself, but Newt didn't feel like taking the risk.

He stood up, ready to leave but then looked back at the massive wall, clinging to the irrational hope that they may still be alive in there. That they will return to the glade all three of them when the door finally opens.

But the thought quickly disappeared as the familiar sound of metal beginning to move filled his eardrums.

Despite the familiarity, Newt flinch at the sound; and a sudden, but strong fear emerged. Dreadful anxiety and panic filled him as one single thought corrupted his mind.

You know they are dead and it's your fault.

Newt couldn't fight against it. After all, it was somewhat his fault. He is in high status and should have told Alby and Minho not to go and investigate that Griever, at least advised them to bring more people. And Tommy, he stood right next to him. He should have reacted faster and fetch Thomas and take a hold of him so he could not follow through with his crazy idea. He shouldn't have let him be that close to the door to begin with, knowing how curious he his and having yet to learn his behaving pattern.

So to sum up, the least Newt wants right now is to be near that door.

So he runs.

Newt ran away from the taunting door, that is now slowly opening to reveal the devastating truth. On his way, Newt passed through the sleeping Gladers on the grassy field, until he once again reached the Deadheads.

Out of breath, Newt slide down against his familiar tree. He took a hold of his knife again with shaking breath and an unsteady hand.

Newt felt pathetic; hopeless and utterly worthless.

They're dead so why shoud i be alive. He questioned, but it was more a statement.

Newt aggressively hold the knife, ready to stab literally anything at this point. He really just wants to end it all to get some peace. There isn't anything holding him back anymore afterall, the Glade and the maze meant nothing now. Trying to get out wasn't worth it anymore. This place, this awful place that the creators made, he deserved being put here, he deserved to suffer.

But alas, Newt could not bring himself to go any further with his actions, even though his head was basically yelling at him to do it.

But this only frustrated the boy even more.

Look at you. Useless. Just a waste of space and everyones time. Everyone silently wished you were the one gettig stuck in the maze instead of the others. Everyone knows it's your fault.

Newt bolts up from were he was sitting. Threw away the knife out of anger and turned around to face his oh so familiar tree.

He tensed both his hands into a fist and raised them up. Newt looked at the tree, feeling like it mas mocking him.

And he began to punch.

Again and again, fist on wood, fist one wood.

His knuckles began bleeding and his hands hurt like hell, but he didn't care. Red began to paint the part of the three trunk Newt continuously abused.

I am just a failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. failure failure failure failu--

"Newt, Stop!"

Huh?

Newt's train of thought instantly broke as he heard the sound of his name.

The familiar voice made him lose focus and slowed down his continuously hitting, but it sure didn't stop him, yet.

The boy continued to beat the tree, but he now heard sticks rustling and the sound of fast footsteps aproching closer and closer.

"Hey! Newt!"

This time caught Newt even more off guard as he felt two hands on either side of his shoulders pushinng him back and away from the tree, making all his punches only hitting air, and so he stopped.

The hand got away from his shoulders, making Newt lose a bit of balance, but the hands were fast place on to his cheeks instead, forcing him to look at the one finding him in this mess.

Newt's vision was a bit blurred at first, he got lightheaded from punching the tree and felt lost and disorientated, but soon enough he could see the outline of a face and then everything came to focus.

Thomas. Thomas was standing right in front of him, holding his head in place.

"Tommy!?" Newt spat out, feeling shocked being an understatement.

Is this a dream? Newt thought. But something about the concerned expression on the other boy's face begged to differ.

"Tommy, what are you doing here?" He spoke again, trying to make some sense as his mind was still having a hard time adjust from the post panic attack.

"What am I doing here? Well I was having a beautiful time with the Grievers, but felt like I needed some time out so I went here as this is were I often go to think and be alone." Thomas said, irritation in his voice, but not out of anger but more so out of concern for the other.

Even though Newt felt shame over everything, he couldn't help but smiled a bit at the sarcasm. He felt like it eased his mind, hearing Thomas still being his usual self. But it fast dropped as the brunette continued.

"I heard some rustling, so obviously I had to check what it was. And I found you, all messed up like a piece of klunk." Thomas explained, his toned softened and defeted as he loosed his grip on Newt.

"..What happened?" Thomas asked, looking deep into Newts eyes.

It was Newt's time to speak and he too looked the other deeply into his eyes, but he quickly turned his gaze away as he felt tears burning behind his eyes and threatened to come out. He didn't want the other to see him cry, already feeling embarrassed enough.

"I- I just..."

There was no stopping it now. Tears were falling one after another as Newt felt arms embracing him in a hug.

Newt held on tightly like his life depended on it, like if he would let go he would be all alone again.

"I though I l- lost you." The blonde finally said. The words got muffled into the shoulder of Thomas shirt because of how Newt had buried himslef into it, but he still heard it clear as day. And he understood.

"Hey, hey shhh. It's okay." Thomas said while stroking the crying boy's blonde hair. "I'm here, and we are all safe, you are safe."

The said crying boy's eyes suddenly perked up.

"A-all of you?" He said as he softly let go of the hug. Feeling the dangerous feeling of hope fill him.

"Yep. Minho's okay, Alby got still stung by that Griever but he's been taken to get the serum so he'll be fine." Thomas smiled as he finished the sentence. It really was wonderful news.

Newt smiled too, almost forgetting about the previous mental breakdowns he just had. But he was still holding back, could this really be true?

Thomas seemed to notice.

"Hey, woud you like to see them? Minho said he would be by Alby in the Homestead so we could go there." Thomas offered.

"Yes I would really like that."

And so they started walking, towards the end of the Deadheads and to the Homestead. But before they could leave the forest Newt spoke up.

"Tommy?"

"Yes Newt?"

"Thank you."

"No problems, I am always here for you, okay?"

"Yeah. I know, but just.. Thank you."

So then the two boys, each having a frantic night to say the least, smiled as they went to meet up with the others.

Because at last, there was a moment of peace.

~ <3 ~


End file.
